American actress Kerry Washington has candidly revealed her harrowing journey battling an eating disorder, including moments when she contemplated suicide.

In an intimate interview with Robin Roberts for a 20/20 special, Washington shared the depths of her struggle, describing how she felt like she was “trying to destroy myself.”

During the interview, Washington recounted her ability to maintain a facade of control while dealing with her disorder.

She explained how she could engage in late-night partying, drinking, smoking, and other behaviors while still maintaining good grades and appearing highly functional.

However, her relationship with food took a severe toll on her mental and emotional well-being, leading to body dysmorphia and self-loathing that she felt was beyond her control.

“I could feel how the abuse was a way to really hurt myself, as if I didn’t want to be here. Like, it scared me, that I could want to not be here because I was in so much pain,” Washington disclosed.

When questioned about whether she had contemplated suicide during her ordeal, she responded affirmatively, acknowledging that her actions at the time were small acts of self-destruction.

The 46-year-old actress had previously mentioned her struggles with an eating disorder, noting that she used food as a coping mechanism.

ALSO READ: American rapper Diddy reveals brotherhood with Burna Boy

She also explained how she concealed her disorder from others, often fabricating excuses like spending time at the library while secretly engaging in excessive exercise.

Washington emphasized that her relationship with food has evolved and is now “a lot healthier” compared to the past.

She clarified that while she may still have occasional struggles with food, they are not to the extreme, and she no longer experiences suicidal thoughts.

In a previous interview with Essence in 2020, Washington had shared her battle with an eating disorder and the immense shame and guilt associated with it.

She mentioned seeking help through therapy, which she continues to pursue today.

“Learning how to love myself and my body is a lifelong process,” Washington expressed. “But I definitely don’t struggle the way I used to.

Therapy helped me realize that maybe it’s okay for me to communicate my feelings. Instead of literally stuffing them down with food, maybe it’s okay for me to express myself.”

Kerry Washington, married to former NFL star Nnamdi Asomugha, is a mother of two children and a stepmother to Asomugha’s teenage daughter from a previous relationship.